As any reputable psychologist knows, during psychological research much emphasis is placed, quite rightly, on ensuring test samples are representative of the population as a whole. What is not commonly known is that it has long been standard practice, authorised by many ethics committees, to avoid an abnormally skewed distribution by excluding certain minority groups from the sampling process. Those determined to wipe out discrimination in this country are, understandably appalled. However, Dr Gerard Kratzheimer, in his controversial book Experimental Design: How to get the results you want (1993) put forward many convincing explanations as to why this should occur. For the purposes of this paper, the most relevant is reproduced here:
Cult television fanatics, for example, are generally unsuitable for universal generalisation as they are predominantly male, invariably young and most definitely stark staring bonkers. Besides which, their pasty complexions leave a lot to be desired; there is, in all fairness, a limit to how long you can stare at that much acne without reaching for a bucket.
A minority of researchers, though, believe that the study of these dysfunctional groups could be beneficial in evaluating many of the more fashionable or controversial theories. Dr Hans Eysencks Personality Inventory (EPI) was one of the first to be adapted for use in this field. The paper Socially Affective Disorders: Recognising the Anorak by Dr Robert Aloycious Morris (1995) stated that:
... it is desirable to examine only the most general traits which these individuals exhibit, as these are least likely to shift over time and identifying them is simple. Many groups of fans meet together on a regular basis, whilst others are often outed by family, friends or colleagues. A researcher can easily immerse himself in what is termed fandom and collect a wide range of observational data for psychometric testing. My personal observations have lead to the Morris Fan-type Inventory (1995) which is, so far, the only test to be fully integrated into this field.
The MFI Scale
Like Eysencks model, the MFI consists of a test which can only be administered by a qualified analyst, as a result of which the test itself cannot be reproduced here. The basic principles, however, can be revealed. Subjects are collected from the streets, usually by disabling the security cameras in WH Smiths and forcibly removing those deemed suitable from the video section. The subjects are then kept in a sterile environment until the test has been completed and the results marked. A lie scale has been built into the test and any completed questionnaires which return a lie value of five or more are discarded.
The questions are designed to measure two orthogonal traits. The active/inactive trait examines the individuals tendency to act upon their obsession, either by writing articles, short or long fiction, submit scripts, organise conventions or campaign tirelessly for a new series of a rather tacky BBC product to be made. The social/antisocial scale measures the inclination to interact with other fans and, if carefully administered, real people outside the fan structure.
By measuring these traits, an individual can be placed at one point on each of two bipolar intersecting scales (see accompanying diagram). This has the effect of placing them in one of four fan types.
Type 1: Inactive/Antisocial. Commonly referred to as the Anorak. This type typically spends a great deal of time wearing out the metal oxide of video tapes by replaying them repeatedly but has never heard of Oxy 10. A more immediate and equally damning way of categorising this type of fan is the possession of a copy of Doctor Who: Companions which repeatedly falls open at pictures of Katy Manning posing nude with a Dalek. That is, if the pages can be separated at all.
Type 2: Active/Antisocial. This type manages to get short stories published, is usually first in the queue when writers guides are published for any series and writes a lot of campaigning letters to obscure people. Can occasionally be dragged kicking and screaming to public places where they attempt to hide behind type 3s in order to divert attention from themselves. There is, sadly, a very high risk that Type 2s will develop to become professional fans unless they can be sectioned quickly enough. The logical career progression is fanzines, novels, Emmerdale Farm.
Type 3: Inactive/Social. Otherwise known as the Lounge Lizard. Commonly found propping up the bar at conventions. This type is notable for his behaviour when in public, namely drinking all non-fans under the table and telling laddish jokes at an annoyingly loud volume. This is allegedly to prove his normality without revealing his darkest secret, which tends to lurk beneath his psyche like the unions behind New Labour.
Type 4: Active/Social. Gregarious and able to achieve a vast output of work due to a large amount of artificial stimulants (caffeine, cocaine, Andrews Liver Salts). Some cases actually achieve a degree of greatness by becoming professional fans, others merely spend a lot of time trying to motivate type 1s or 2s to make amateur film versions of their favourite series. Phrases worth watching out for are It wont be as bad as you think, We finish when I say cut! or Pass the Liver Salts. Extreme cases often sprinkle the word Mate throughout conversations with complete strangers.
Attempts by Dr Johan Putzcharder to transfer the psychotisism scale directly from Eysencks research proved inconclusive. Dr Putzcharders use of physiological tests, through the medium of the 240 volt electric shock, was condemned by the BPS. Sadly Dr Putzcharder suffered a violent assault by one of his subjects during testing and was last seen claiming that Germolene is an acceptable substitute for mayonnaise in salad sandwiches. Those who wish to save time when rushing out for a hot date may find this alternative to eating and gargling with Listerene eminently sensible. My own research has shown, however, that the nutritional benefits are limited, although naturally greater than in Pizza Huts mushroom substitute.
So what of the future? Current signs are that Pizza Huts Ham and Mushroom pizza will remain inedible. Equally, treatment for those unfortunate cases with an addiction to Cult TV remains just as basic. A recent pioneering attempt at aversion therapy backfired terribly when, in an attempt to associate cult programmes with unpleasant experiences such as Eastenders, the researchers became hooked to Blakes 7, claiming it was preferable to the unbelievable plots and wooden acting. Dr Kratzheimers own attempts at treatment produced the following observation:-
...attempts to beat the obsession out of these people with mackerel, sealskin skiffle boards and cricket bats have not yet yielded any positive results for the patients. Researchers, however, were left in a blissfully euphoric state and remounts of the experiments are quite common. (People Vs Kratheimer, 1996)
With the publication of the MFI, the examination of fandom has received a greatly increased profile within the profession. Researchers are beginning to realise that there is much valuable information to be gleaned from the extreme social disturbances exhibited by these poor individuals, and many investigators have begun to focus exclusively on this area. These pioneers are striving to establish new and exciting approaches to psychotherapy, with only their dedication, clarity of reasoning and bad eyesight as their tools. Perhaps the time is ripe for this field to be given the full respect and support it deserves. Maybe then the fan can truly be rehabilitated into society.
Article Text © 1998/2003 the respective author(s). All other text © Rob Morris / SAD Magazine. Design © Rob Morris 1999/2003. No reproduction of material in whole or in part may be undertaken without permission of the copyright holders.