To: Marjorie Bathsheba Catheter Jodrell-Bentley
Subject: An Unnerving Circumstance
I regret to inform you that events of a somewhat unusual nature have lead to us impounding the invalid car of the increasingly cadaverous Ms. Zimmer.
It appears that confusion surrounding the mortal status of the aforementioned member may have lead to a slight oversight on the part of whoever parked her car whilst the embalmers were round on Thursday. The result of this oversight was that the vehicle, unimpeded by small matters such as brakes and a curiously sharp bend, rolled down Winston Drive at four o'clock this morning.
As you are aware, the other notable resident of this charming street is Miss Twigham, who lives at the opposite end of the rather steep hill. You are, however, probably unaware that whilst Miss Twigham is away it was arranged that Greta Havelock would occupy the house in order to prevent burglars having their way with the property.
At around the time in question, as she was investigating the "strange disappearance" of various spirits and liquors from Miss Twigham's extensive private supply, Ms. Havelock was disturbed to find the vehicle had not merely rolled down the road, but had also entered the garden and was repeatedly bumping into the front door.
I regret to say that Ms. Havelock's reaction to this strange coincidence, especially following the sinister evaporation of a large amount of Glenmorangie, was somewhat hysterical, and I will not give any credence to her claims that she heard the car creeping around the side of the house moments earlier. Nor indeed that she had seen the headlights illuminate the curtains by the patio door.
Instead I would ask, in the interests if inter-society relations, that one of your members come and retrieve the offending vehicle and possibly have its electricals looked over (it keeps switching itself on and heading towards the northbound lane of the M1).
Needless to say we have kept the vehicle in good condition, and have tried to do the same for its contents. (Although one cannot help but feel the Tottenham Court Road tube sign should be returned to London Transport.)
The chicken and the length of chalk, I regret to say, have both seen better days.
Yours hopefully,
Sarah-Jane Chlamydia Rossington-Smythe.
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