To: Marjorie Bathsheba Catheter Jodrell-Bentley
Subject: Apologies
Sheba,
I must apologise for the delay in replying. You have doubtless read of the unfortunate night at the spiritualist last month and, whilst events were not quite as ribald as much of the gutter press portrayed them, it has taken me eight days of continuous washing to eradicate the stench of burning chicken fat from my best courderoy trouser suit.
To be honest I felt it was an ill-advised venture from the start. My concerns, however, became solid fact when Ms. Zimmer herself appeared to be coming through on the astral plane. And it must be said that the two competing dialogues from separate personifications of Cleopatra really did stretch credibility to the limit (especially since, to be fair, only one of them spoke Egyptian without a Newcastle accent).
I was of course most relieved to discover that Townsend Thoreson were not handling our journey - indeed I understand they have, as Miss Finch put it, "gone under". I am, after all, still finding their branded playing cards in my hosiery even now and even Miss Marchant still manages to raise a smile when you remind her of the lego ferry kits. We can all be thankful, however, that she has at least managed to refain from glazing over and saying "nodules" in that worryingly wistful way.
I have to confess I am unaware of this 'Respect' organisation through which you have reserved our cabins. I am sure that they're reputable but we have has some unusual experiences in our time and it would be unfortunate to have chosen a company of ill repute (again). After my times on the high seas I have come to realise that safety is not something to be trifled with and as our TT trip rather thinned our numbers I would rather be safe than sorry.
I must away - we are beginning a concerted effort to attract new members and to this end we are off canvassing around the SAGA stop-offs. Which reminds me... I must pick up my whistle and crocheted bonnet.
Although I fear I may regret going in search of what is doubtless forbidden knowledge, may I ask what it is that Ms. Zimmer has decided to pack?
C.
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