To: Sarah-Jane Chlamydia Rossington-Smythe.
Subject: I seem to have ommitted something.
Dearest Chlamydia
Looking back over our correspondence, it seems I may have sent you an e-mail while I was in Holland. I must have been feverish as I can't remember what it said and can find no trace of it in my "Hooray!" account. I can only hope I wasn't inappropriate or indiscrete in any way.
As to how I survived out there and paid my bill: I ended up working in the café in which I had first arrived. They were a tad reluctant at first, but I'm glad to say my common sense - not to mention culinary expertise - prevailed. For a café they were making some of the most unacceptable cakes I've ever tasted - all dried up and hard - and I felt it my duty to show them how to bake properly.
Do you know, they'd never even heard of Battenburg?
As it happens I also managed to provide some assistance with regards to their horticultural efforts. They appear to have been growing some form of herbal tea and, as you know, I've always had green fingers. I do regret that at one point there were disagreements between myself and the other staff over the apparent overuse of the spice mix derived from this plant (it went in absolutely everything) but, in the interests of harmony, I finally acceded to their demands.
In retrospect I must admit that it did add a certain something and I really must try and get hold of some of the leaves over here. It proved remarkably versatile in the end - even proving effective in the casserole I knocked up on our last night. Mind you, I can't quite remember the name, but I'm sure if I ask a policeman they may be able to assist. Unfortunately I feel I may have overfed my new friends at the time as the number of them who fell asleep was quite astonishing.
All in all they were a most peculiar group. Several of them wept when I left - still it's always nice to be appreciated.
Felicitations,
Batty
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