Tips and Tricks
Featured Tip!
Ms. Zimmer insists on recommending a cucumber. She indicates it's very effective but has not yet elaborated how.
Previous Tips.
Miss Flaubert recommends Vicks Vapo-rub for
keeping cats out of your garden. As long as you're careful the creeping
tom will merely be stunned by the jar, but not permanently damaged (thus
avoiding any complications with the Bow Street runners).
Miss Havelock considers that as far as alternative
medicines go, Gin is the most effective of the herbal remedies. It is -
we are informed - especially efficacious as a local anaesthetic and sterilising
agent when taken internally. (If applied in sufficient quantity you apparently
won't feel a thing for hours - or, for the adventurous, the whole of 1974).
The current condition of Miss Barleycombe reminds us of some advice that should serve future generations well: do not drink Dettol.
Baby oil is excellent for cleaning brushed stainless steel. However it is not advisable to squeeze it from your neighbours' babies.
Instead choose one from a few streets away so no suspicion falls on you.
To remove heavy soiling, coat the offending area with melted chocolate and hundreds and thousands and inform the children from the local estates that the item is sheet chocolate. Once the chocolate has been sucked out the item should be clean and can be washed as normal.
If the item still retains seepage marks burn it and bury the ashes, as it is beyond redemption.
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